


Brow Wiggling

by Snortinglaughter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Training, Frustrated Harry, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Sassy Harry Potter, Snarky Draco Malfoy, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 20:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13174182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snortinglaughter/pseuds/Snortinglaughter
Summary: Why can't Harry stop bickering with Malfoy? His friends have some ideas (well, one in particular) but he's not quite ready to hear it. He has had it with Malfoy's snarkiness, he needs to find a way to finally make him shut up. What could that be?





	Brow Wiggling

**Author's Note:**

> An immense thank you to Rachel (Tumblr: restlessandordinary) who beta'ed this little thingy and helped me construct a decent summary.

_‘Stupid Malfoy and his stupid single-eyebrow-raising talent’._

  
Harry was in front of the mirror, trying to sneer and lift his right brow just like Malfoy did, but wasn’t getting far at all. He only managed to lift both looking like a dazzled deer. Was it, like, a special thing you were born with?

  
“Whatcha doing, mate?”

  
Harry almost jumped through the roof like a scared cat.

  
“ _Bloody hell_ , Ron. I almost shat in my pants. Fucking knock, will you?” His face felt so hot you could fry an egg on it.

  
“Right, will do. But please tell me, in the name of Merlin’s left bollock, what is it that you’re doing?” Ron had a look of utmost curiosity.

They’d been sharing a flat for a year. He was his best mate, surely he wouldn’t laugh.

  
“Um. Well, you know how Malfoy raises an eyebrow when he’s busy being an arse? I want to do that, so I was, you know, er… kinda practicing?”

  
“Are you seriously telling me you’ve been in the bathroom for nearly an hour trying to lift an eyebrow?”

  
“Well he’s always giving me those stupid snooty looks and I just stand there looking like Grawp being nagged by Hermione; I want to give him a taste of his own medicine.”

  
If Harry thought Ron would at least try to suppress a laugh, he was absolutely wrong. The red-head collapsed to the floor, laughing so hard Harry feared his friend had lost the plot.

  
“Oh shut up, you wanker!”

  
“Ohmigod, Harry just shag him already. Or let him shag _you_ , whatever sizzles your bacon.”

  
“Wha- _No!_ " Harry winced. He was having serious doubts about this friendship.

 

* * *

   
  
Harry was sitting on a bench in the trainees’ locker room. He spent three hours in front of the mirror yesterday, and only managed to wiggle both his eyebrows, which had him in a bad mood today; that, and all the sexual frustration he’d been dealing with. One would think that being The-Twat-Who-Lived would grant him at least a weekly shag, but the few times he bumped uglies with Ginny he hadn’t been quite satisfied, there had been something missing. He’d been put off by the girls he’d met afterwards who seemed to be looking for their five minutes of fame, like Harry was some sort of shiny trophy. He visualized what the plaque would say:

  
_"We hereby present this award in recognition and appreciation for having a go at Harry Potter’s creamstick.”_

  
Malfoy came into the room and gave him a once-over, half-sneering half-smirking.

  
_’Ha! That’s right you bastard, I got here earlier than you,'_ he thought to himself, putting on his boots and watching Malfoy’s every move four lockers away.

  
“I know I look absolutely smashing this morning but stop staring, Potter.”

  
“Fuck you, Malfoy.”

  
“Well, aren’t we a bloody ray of sunshine today.” Malfoy turned and raised a pointy eyebrow, the stupid ferret. “What’s got your knickers in such a tight twist? Nobody asked for your autograph on the way here?”

  
“Do they ever shut up on your planet, Malfoy?” Harry said as he stood up.

Encouraged by his brilliant comeback, he gave a brave attempt to lift an eyebrow. Malfoy gave him a look of amused confusion.

  
“I don’t know what to make of your brow wiggling, Potty. Are you having a serial-killer-like spasm or are you flirting?” the wanker said.

  
“Fuck you, Malfoy.” So much for good comebacks.

  
“I don’t know what your problem is, Scarhead, but I bet it’s difficult to pronounce," he said smirking, and walked out of the locker room.

Fucking pointy tosser, always getting under his skin. Harry slammed his locker door shut.

  
Harry 0 - Malfoy 1.

 

* * *

 

“What’s this I hear from Ron about you obsessing over Malfoy again?”

  
“I’m not obsessing, Hermione. I just want to teach him a lesson is all.”

  
They were waiting for their order at a Jamaican food truck two blocks away from the Ministry.

  
“Ron says you keep staring at Malfoy’s bum during Auror training," she said, rolling her eyes a bit.

  
Harry didn’t mean to at first, he was just trying to come up with new ideas to pester the git –which was _completely_ understandable– and suddenly, he found himself staring at Malfoy’s arse. But Ron was exaggerating, it wasn’t like he’d spent the whole training session looking at him… did he?

  
"Honestly, Harry. Just ask him out already.”

  
“You know how the three of us have been friends for a very long time? We should stop.”

  
Hermione rolled her eyes again.

 

* * *

 

This was a fucking nightmare. Head Auror Robards had split them into teams of three and now Harry and Seamus were stuck with Malfoy.

  
“Alright, I divided each team according to what subject you need to focus on," Robards continued. “Weasley, your team’s task is Concealment and Disguise training. Longbottom, yours will be taken out to the field for a Stealth and Tracking session. Potter, take your team and search for a vacant conference room, you’ll be studying Magical Jurisprudence. Off you go.”

  
Harry felt like he had belly-flopped from a thirty feet high trampoline.

  
“Well isn’t this peachy keen,” Malfoy said with a bored face. “What am I? Flypaper for freaks?”

  
“Why do you always have to be such a _bitch_ , Malfoy?” Harry definitely wasn’t in the mood today. It took all his self-restraint not to punch the ferrety fucker.

  
“You say it like it’s a bad thing, Potty.” Malfoy smirked and winked. Harry fisted his hands as his face turned red as an angered Weasley.

  
“Oi! We could, um, get something to eat? There’s a place that has a mean chocolate cheesecake around the corner.” Seamus had sensed the danger and interrupted just in time.

  
“Well now, that might be the smartest thing I’ve ever heard from you, Finnigan. Come on now, study buddies, we have the whole day ahead of us.” Malfoy walked towards the exit followed by a cringed Seamus and a sulking Harry.

  
Harry 0 - Malfoy 2.

  
He had to get him next time. Third time’s a charm.

 

* * *

 

Harry left his book on the table and rubbed his tired eyes; they’d been studying for nearly four hours. Seamus was staring into his books but his eyes weren’t moving, Malfoy had given up and transfigured a couple of quills into snails and made them 'race’ across the table, watching with his chin on one hand and his blond hair falling over his forehead.

  
He looked good when he could manage to keep his mouth shut, and he had nice hair, it reminded Harry of Veelas. His mind drifted imagining how many hair products Malfoy used to make it look so silky, the vain git. He also wondered what type of body lotion did he use, his skin always looked so smooth and soft, and did he use chapstick? His lips certainly look like he did.

  
Seamus loudly cleared his throat, taking him out of his reverie; he was looking at Harry like he’d caught him doing something extremely embarrassing.

  
“I’m getting some tea or else I’ll murder someone,” Malfoy said as he stood up.

  
“Can you bring me a cup, please?” Harry asked.

  
“My my, you’re sounding polite, Potter. Did you take your meds?” And he walked out without waiting for an answer. _Arsehole._

  
“Blimey, Malfoy’s just begging ya to shag him mercilessly.”

  
“Oh no, Seamus. Not you too.” Harry face palmed.

  
“Oh come off it, Harry. Everybody notices the sexual tension between the two of ya. Malfoy’s way of dealing with it is acting the maggot, yours is responding like a molested _Blast-Ended Skrewt,_ and you bicker over the stupidest things. It was quite entertaining at first, but now’s just frustrating.”

  
Harry positively gaped, Seamus only smiled and returned to his book.

 

So everyone had been watching and waiting for them to… what, give each other puppy looks in the middle of Auror training? Sneak away, like a couple of horny teenagers, to every corner they could find to kiss soft lips and touch shiny blond hair and caress smooth pale skin, press their lean bodies together, pinning one another against the wall…

  
Harry closed his eyes, trying to erase the previous images from his mind as Malfoy re-entered the room levitating three cups. He directed one towards Seamus and another towards Harry, who looked into his cup and felt his anger emerging again.

  
“What right fuckery is this, Malfoy? I asked for tea, this cup is empty.”

  
“I seem to recall you asking for a cup, that’s what I brought you.”

  
“It’s fucking _empty_ , you _stupid tit_.” Harry was about to lose his shit.

  
“I know it is, _that’s . what . you . asked . for_.” Malfoy enunciated every word as if Harry was dead from the neck up.

  
“That’s IT!” Harry slammed his fists on the table and stood up to cross the room. “I’VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU IDIOTIC PRAT!”

 

The ferret’s eyes widened, and he stepped backwards as Harry approached until he had him against the wall.

  
“Oi mate, take it easy!” Seamus said standing up as well. Harry’s face was inches away from Malfoy’s.

  
“You are validating my inherent mistrust of co-workers, Scarhead.”

 

His gray eyes showed nothing but fear at the possibility of getting his head hexed up his arse, and still, he just couldn’t keep his imbecilic commentaries to himself. Harry’s blood boiled in anger, breathing like an enraged bull. He had to make him shut the fuck up.

  
He pulled Malfoy’s hair and Seamus took his wand out, but Harry beat him to it and slammed his lips to Malfoy’s, who was paralyzed by surprise for a moment. He only reacted when he felt Harry’s tongue swirling on the seam of his lips. Malfoy kissed back, granting him entrance, holding onto Harry’s waist and pressing his body against him.

  
“Oh, well. I - uh, I’ll just…” Seamus said and they didn’t even notice him leaving the conference room.

  
It was a battle of lip biting and tongue sucking and arse grabbing like Harry had never experienced before, and the moaning sounds Malfoy was making, _dear Merlin_ , it should be a crime to sound so bloody sexy. They kept pulling and rubbing and kissing, leaving love bites on their necks and jaws, until Harry parted the kiss to stop himself from jizzing in his pants. Malfoy groaned at the loss, their breaths agitated and hot.

  
” _Finally_. Found a way to shut you up.“ Harry said with a raspy voice. "Wonder how many other ways I can find.”

  
Malfoy was flushed and couldn’t utter a single word.

  
_Ha!_

  
Harry 1 - Malfoy 2.


End file.
